Women since the beginning of time have woven together friendships, families, communities. Our inner knowing and wisdom about weaving people and resources together has been confirmed now in scientific research. Women live longer and have an added buffer for dealing with stress out of the friendships that they develop and maintain. These relationships can be particularly important in challenging times.
Mayo Clinic suggests that support networks, one dimension of that being our friendships, have the following benefits:
Provides a sense of Belonging. You feel connected, cared about and share things in common.
Improves self-esteem. Having people who know you and like having you around gives us a sense of meaning and importance.
Sense of Security. When people know you, and they see changes in your behavior like depression, lethargy or illness, they can reach out and support you.
During the period of 45-65 things begin to shift as your values reconfigure and you blossom into the new you. Friendships can be challenged.
What you shared in common may no longer be a binding force. For example, if you are an empty nester meeting your children’s needs is no longer day-to-day one of your greatest priorities. This may be disorienting as previously important individuals and groups no longer have the same importance as they once did.
You may be drawn to new friendships and groups which meet current needs. For example, I recently talked with a solopreneur who gets great value out of meeting with a small group of women who are in business for themselves. Finding their common celebrations and challenges provides resources and encouragement.
Pleasures can be a connecting force. Notice what you are attracted to. One of the groups that I started 10 years ago came together out of a class that I taught on Aging with Passion and Purpose. During the class I was struck by the value generated as participants discussed current changes and challenges related to the aging. The class took us deep, and half of the group felt sufficient benefits and connection that they wanted to continue meeting.
Five of us met for 10 years! As time went on it became clear that what kept us together was often the pleasures we enjoyed together. In addition to sharing a meal and enriching conversation, we played together whether it was finding a new game that stretched our brains and tickled our funny bones, creating cards or making jewelry.
What changes are you noticing in your friendships?
What has helped important relationships last over the years?
What do you want to do to nurture your friendships?
Amazing timing for me on your post, Sandra. This week I have been in touch with my deep gratitude for how precious my women friendships are to me. As I have entered the on-line dating world, meeting men and having exploratory conversations with them, I am CLEAR that I will not give up my women relationships. They provide something so special for me that no one and nothing else could fill.
With gratitude, Fran
Posted by: Fran Fisher, MCC | June 12, 2009 at 11:17 AM